I was doing some research for a totally different post when I came across the most amazing video about parenting. It talks about the trend in parenting where we let our children be in charge. We give them the impression that they have just as much know how, authority and power as an adult. We need to take back control as parents.
Raising kids in this day and age is difficult. There are so many more outside sources coming at us. We have people criticizing our every move as parents. Our society thinks that it needs to take a more active role than is appropriate in raising our children.
This video talks about some important issues. It puts into words what I have been feeling in my heart and mind but didn’t know how to put into words. The concepts talked about in this video helped me to see where I have allowed my kids to be in control where my husband and I should actually be.
We are treating our children as if they know how to make choices that they aren’t capable of yet. They haven’t had the experiences in life that we have. They haven’t learned what we have yet. We need to teach them these things. We are setting them up for failure if we expect that they can make the decisions without our help.
Respecting of the authority of a parent has been belittled in our society. If we are allowing our children to act like adults and giving them control, than we aren’t expecting that respect. Without respect our children will never make it in society as adults. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach it to them.
If we aren’t teaching respect than our children aren’t learning respect.
The concepts in this video all support the concept of taking back control as parents.
We need to take back the power of authority from our children. The hierarchy of parents needs to be put back in place. Parents need to be in charge. The collapse of this hierarchy has taken away the respect that children should have for their parents.
Because this respect isn’t there, they are bonding with peers instead of their parents and family. The lack of bonding with parents and family is causing a whole new set of problems. Friendships are fickle where families are constant. Because fickle relationship are becoming most important to our children they are not receiving the support that they need.
The key points found in this video are:
Stop being afraid of our children
We need to not be afraid of how our children will act if we are actually parenting them. We also need to stop being afraid of what society and those around us will think when we are parenting.
This concept is one that has always made me uncomfortable about my parenting. There is so much judgement being thrown at us and our parenting skills that we are constantly afraid to do what we feel is right in our hearts. I’ve been afraid that if I limit the social activities, the expression of my children, etc. that I will hurt their self esteem or be judged.
In reality following the trend of giving them too much say in the decisions is hurting them in a much more. It isn’t teaching them the proper skills that will allow them to be healthy adults. It’s definitely not teaching them to be good parents in the future either.
Raise the bar back up
We need to expect that our children can do what we are asking of them. We can’t let them control what is happening with our family. If you want to go somewhere as a family, expect that they can do it.
My teenager didn’t want to go with us to our family activity this morning. Family activities are mandatory in our family or you loose privileges. At least that’s how we have been doing it. After watching this video I decided that he shouldn’t even be given the option of choosing if he will participate. He was told that he was coming and that the whole family was waiting on him.
He ended up coming because I raised the bar and took the control back as a parent. The power of him being able to dictate what our family did, as a whole family, was taken from him.
Start ending your sentences with a period
Stop asking our kids to do things; tell them to do things.
We made the mistake of asking the kids if they wanted to do this activity as a family today. We should have made the decision as parents that we where doing it and informed them of it. From now one we will be telling them about what the weekly activity is and that they are expected to come, no negotiations or exceptions.
We are parents and have the experiences that they don’t have. They don’t have the know how and experience that we have. They don’t understand how very important a family activity is for not only their present but their future. They don’t understand how staying up too late affects their brain, etc. We, as parents do and are responsible for teaching them that.
Start saying no
We are not a bad parent for saying no, quit the opposite. There are times that we need to say no in order to do what’s best for our children. As parents we need to teach our children proper skills and timing. If we aren’t using the word no than we aren’t teaching them those things.
Our children need to be taught that the world does not revolve around them. They need to be taught that the world will often say no and how to react to that properly. It’s your job as a parent to teach this to them, not society when they are older and more set in their ways.
Children need to understand and learn where the authority lies in this relationship.
It’s important to teach our children that they are not entitled to things. There are other people that they need to be aware of. They need to be aware of those around them and how they can be there for others. If we are allowing them to be in control, we aren’t teaching these skills to them. Those that get everything, or even most, of what they want don’t understand humility.
Humility is the understanding of where you as an individual rate in society. If you are taught by your parents that you are in control you don’t have a proper understanding of your place in society. You have now set your child up for failure.
Stop relying on shortcuts
When we use shortcuts too often it gives our children the impression that they can have anything that they want. We need to do the hard work of being there for them NOW. If we aren’t taking the time to instill these tips into our parenting skills than we are taking shortcuts.
Being a parent isn’t meant to be easy. If it’s easy you probably aren’t doing it right. Our kids need us to be strong and do the hard things that may make them upset right now. It’s what they need for not only their future but their present.
Don’t be afraid to do the hard stuff.
It doesn’t matter how hard they argue about it. It doesn’t matter how convincing their arguments sound. And trust me, a 17 year old can have some pretty convincing arguments as to why your parenting is wrong. If you know what is important and the skills that your child needs to learn, follow through.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE watch this video. This thing really needs to go viral. Share, share, and share some more. Our society is falling apart because parents aren’t doing these important things. We need to take back control as a parent and show our children how much we love them.
What are your thoughts? I would really love to hear them. Leave a comment at the very bottom of the page.