Taking a Stance

I’m at a place in my life that I know a lot of women my age are in.  I have spent my adult life trying to do what’s best for my family, friends and all those around me.  I have succeeded and failed at many things.  Like for instance the spelling of my blog.  As I realized, too late, that I misspelled it I also realized that it brought a whole new layer to it’s meaning.

I need to take a stance with my life as well as reclaim it.  I keep trying and trying and, yes, trying.  More often that not things don’t turn out the way that I had planned, or even wanted.  Sometimes I feel like I really can’t go on but, low and behold, I do.

I am at a crossroads where I can and want to make a change in my life. 

I purchased a wall hanging a few weeks ago that says, “The best way to predict your future is to create it”.   Now I know that I would love to predict my future into some amazing and far fetched experience but I know that, with my limited resources, I would just fail.  So, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out not only what I want to create for my future but, what does the Lord want me to create.  I am a very religious person and feel that the Lord has given me everything that I have and that it is my job to be His hands here on earth.

How can I help others, most importantly my family, while still fulfilling what I need from life?

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I had a really hard morning and felt like I might have hit the ultimate low of my life.  I walked out to my backyard and sat down and cried my eyes out.  I spent the next few hours trying to keep myself busy and not feel like I was in despair.   After some time to think I decided that I needed to take action on this blog that I had been praying and thinking about.

Have you ever seen the movie “Phenomenon”?  I remember sitting in the cheap theater, that was only a dollar back then, and watching that movie for the first time.  I was a teenager who loved the idea of such wonderful love.  It became my favorite movie for years because of that love story.  It’s still really high on my list.

As I’ve gotten older that movie has brought me comfort in a different way than when I was younger.  There is a scene where he is working in his garden and trying to get some frustration out and understand his life.  He looks up and sees the trees swaying in the breeze and then hears the swishing that comes from that.  It calms him.

I have since found that trees swaying in the wind calms me too.  Not because I think about how it calmed him in the movie but it triggers something in my brain that calms me.  I do think about the movie every time this happens to me and it makes me smile.

Anyways, to get to my point, I love my yard.  I love that I can go out there and either work frantically to get out frustration, or  calmly to just enjoy it.  I will walk outside to calm down and just do a round of my yard.  I did that this afternoon and the trees flowing in the breeze brought me not only calm, but a smile and a thought about “Phenomenon”.

I hope that my ramblings about my life, my struggles, my experiences, things I love, learn and create can bring more than me some joy.  I will, however, do my best to create a future that brings me joy.

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